Four Steps When Just Reading an Email from your Coparent Can Ruin Your Day.
“I was feeling much better…..until I read his/her email” Is that what your life is like?
Is your coparent hostile, or manipulative, condescending or controlling? Do they know just what to say to make you feel horrible?
Do they make everything difficult and you are exhausted from it?
This is common. But it needs to stop. The sooner, the better.
You can’t control what they write, but you can control how you respond.
You can’t control what their words make you feel, (feelings aren’t voluntary) but you can become stronger and wiser.
Here are the steps:
- Look for signs that your history is rearing its head: the way a marriage breaks down has everything to do with what follow in the separation and after divorce. If that was messy, all kinds of mess can follow. You can’t change the past, but you can take charge now. Download my free Audit Your Breakdown Quiz if this sounds like part of the problem for you.
- Learn the difference between being an ex and being a coparent. Marriages breakdowns usually involve difficulty communicating with each other and resolving difficult issues. It doesn’t get easier when you have broken up and are trying to share parenting responsibilities! A key skill is to learn how to stop relating to your spouse as the ex (with all the power dynamics, hurt feelings and super charges emotions) and start relating to them as your coparent (think professional relationship).
- Learn to filter the emotions from the facts. You know that email that felt like a knife in the stomach? Read that email with a filter on. Don’t pay attention to the emotion, pay attention to the facts. If you can’t do that, get someone completely unbiased to do that for you.
- Finally, respond to the facts with facts. No emotion. No defence. No attack.
Need more help? No problem. I have created for you an easy to use document that will guide you through this. Just click the yellow bar below. 🙂